COME AND FACE THE CHALLENGE... YOUR CHALLENGE

This Thursday 13 October New Plymouth’s ‘Becoming Better Men’ support and growth group will meet at the Taranaki Disability Information Centre on Young Street in New Plymouth between 7.15pm and 9.00pm. This week’s meeting will be facilitated by Garth Clarricoats.

‘Becoming Better Men’ is a simple yet challenging idea. It is about overcoming loneliness or isolation – the consequences of experiencing depression, loss, a relationship breakdown or so many other possibilities – and finding positive ways to grow.

It’s a challenge – but achieving real growth is always a challenge. We invite you to accept our challenge – join us this Thursday.

In the mean time, this is what personal life coach David Bohl says about “Accepting Your Challenges”.

One of the great keys to personal growth in this life is the ability to face challenges and meet them head-on. Easier said than done, because facing and meeting challenges involves overcoming fear - fear of embarrassment, or fear of failure.

The purpose of challenge is to give you greater experiences and to broaden your perspective. We become pigeon-holed into one way of thinking without having our beliefs challenged.

Challenge plays an extremely important role when it comes to character. Character is not necessarily created by facing challenges, but rather it is revealed by them. We may be completely unaware of our own character until met with seemingly daunting obstacles. It is the manner in which we deal with them that reveals our true inner self.

There are several things you can do to help yourself deal with challenges more calmly. Essentially you need to open yourself up to new possibilities, new experiences, whether you think you are ready for them or not.

1. Allow Yourself to Publicly Succeed Brilliantly or Fail Miserably. The key to this one is "publicly." Allow others to know what your goals are. Accept responsibilities that put you centre stage. Chances are you will only highlight your talent, making it obvious to everyone around you.

2. Work With New People. Nothing leads to personal growth more than working with strangers, especially those outside of your normal professional or social circles. You build your social skills, learning how to interact with people who have new - and possibly very different - beliefs, attitudes, and experiences. There is nothing like getting to know someone from a completely different walk of life to open up your mind and introduce you to a new perspective.

3. Take Charge. Rather than just be a member of a group - either a social group or a committee at work - volunteer to lead the group. If you have never led people before, it will be an eye-opening experience. Avail yourself to the challenge and grasp the opportunity to demonstrate your skill. This is an excellent exercise in learning you can never please everyone - a lesson that can be carried over into other aspects of your life.

4. Seek Variety. It is very easy to become lulled into a routine, or even an outright rut. When our routine becomes embedded, the learning process comes to a screeching halt. Actively seek out new experiences, even the ones that might frighten you. They say variety is the spice of life, and it truly is. It is what makes life interesting, entertaining, and fun.

Every challenge you meet and overcome makes you more confident and builds upon your own personal experiences in this crazy world. Experiences keep you grounded and make you a more well-rounded individual. You can use challenges to continue your pursuits of personal growth, or to meet your goals at work.

Accepting new challenges can lead you to the promotion you have been wanting, to the raise you need, or to personal adventure. Meeting a challenge may even mean forming, or strengthening, your most intimate relationships. Once you learn to accept your challenges as an opportunity rather than a chore, you will understand just how beneficial they can be.

THE MASKED MAN

This article was recommended by Becoming Better Men contributor Dr. Craig Ashcroft has been respectfully borrowed from Joseph Mansfield, M.S.W.


At birth, most men are assigned a mask. Because of strong societal and family pressures, the mask is dutifully, and usually permanently, worn. The masks have various names. There is the Macho Warrior mask, the Mr. Reasonable mask, the Nice Guy mask, the Great Fixer of Things mask, and let us not overlook the mask of Mr. Fearless, the Unfeeling. There would be no problem with this "mask" arrangement - if it worked!

It would also be rather nice if men could occasionally wear these masks for short periods of time when the situation called for it. But, like a huge masquerade party where no one dares to be the first to take off the disguise, men cling to their narrowly defined masks.

How do these masks get in the way? Really now, what's wrong with being strong, fearless, and in control? Everyone has to agree that situations do call for different behaviors. However, to fully assess the true, cumulative impact of the "full time" mask, it's necessary to calculate the cost in terms of relationships and health.

To be in a relationship, (especially a personal relationship), with a masked man can be very frustrating. When one feels that they are sharing an intensely personal situation with a man who isn't relating from his heart, or true center, there is a sad feeling of being cheated. To bare one's soul, fears, or dreams to the masked man and to be fed back data, or nuts and bolts rationality, can feel like a real slap in the face to one's basic humanity.

To be hooked up with a Masked Man can, unless one is careful, leave one feeling inferior because of the seeming disparity between their rigidity and apparent strength and one's own basic vulnerability. It is so important to not confuse rigidity with strength. For underneath rigidity, there is a strong core of frailty. It is well hidden, but ultimately must be addressed.

Living up to the John Wayne, Superman,Macho image requires a man to develop a lonely outside act. This outside act rarely works for too long, because underneath, the masked man has a heart, vulnerability and the capacity to feel joy and sorrow. There is an awesome personal toll to be paid for running away from his "more tender" self. The most usual results are fear, confusion, sickness, and heightened rigidity.

Oh! The excuses given for perpetuating this arrangement. It's a dog eat dog world! It's just the masculine burden! If I change, I'll lose everything! I'm too old to try anything different! etc., etc., etc. It's too bad that there are so few role models of sane living for men.

Most role models are men of steel, totally fixed in a mold, and never reflecting any hint of the process of living. Until now, men have been unable to look to each other for support in making corrective changes. This is very sad. Women have been more able to give each other necessary support through times of growth and need.

Where do men go from here? first, men must look at the results of their approach to life. Since so many men eventually turn into interpersonal zombies, the liberating fact is that if a man attempts change, he really is risking very little. It may be scary to stop a 30 or 40 year pattern of superficial carburetor and superbowl talk overnight. But, a slow and steady series of risking small changes will have wonderful results. We all know that there is a warm and loving inner person inside everyone.

Men must stop burying that inner person. To slowly let that person out will be a benefit to all. It's time for men to "show up" for their life's humanity. It's sad when a man dies, and people in his life mirror the standard ending to so many Lone Ranger shows. "Gee, who was that masked man?"